Kid

Drop your shoulders, you look like people are gonna hurt you first.

Wouldn't you look more elegant, more the leader you dreamed of being if you just relaxed? Wouldn't that be a sight to see? 

Don't speak like you're scared of being interrupted. Slow your words. Take your time with some words more than others. Make them wait and really listen. 

If you believe you're worth listening to, people will too. 

People are like horses. They can whiff your nervousness from the first show of your eye whites.

There's a lot that Xi Jinping and Putin should be sorry about, but not you. Not the woman that you are -- you probably didn't do anything wrong. You're just convinced you are because you've seen so many other women convinced too. You forget when this apologetic streak started. 

"You have your dad's face but your mother's worries. Don't do that." 

Don't do that. 

Distracting yourself from yourself is the silliest thing. How can your own mind be worse than an abrupt "Goodbye"? The inevitable track of time will force you to answer all the questions you haven't begun answering.

You're gonna regret answering them all so fast. 

Or maybe, that's the ideal situation. Maybe you're supposed to answer so fast that you're only following that poor gut of yours. The one that keeps bloating and burping shit. 

Call people. Randomly call friends. It's the best, isn't it? When they finally pick up? 

You already learned this by now, but you should probably work towards the things you're envious of others about. Big difference.

7 am mornings. That's it. 

Say it with me, "The shape of a man shall no longer be my distraction." Now, believe it. 

Call your family. It's the best to them when you finally pick up. Isn't that true, family? 

Nothing was yours. You only borrowed it. Even if you paid for it. Even if they said "I love you" or if they're willing to drive forever to see you. You're only borrowing them. 

There's no promises they're preserved in your life.

The shelf-life of McDonald's fries would outlast all that you have anyways.

Stop searching for the next high. The only high is peace. 

There's a lake inside your mind. Your own island lake. Master Thich Nhat Hanh says to protect it. You keep promising yourself you would. Keep it. And stop calling yourself a liar. Even if you mean it, don't mean it anymore.

Your other master, Master Chin said that other thing you thought was kind of perfect. "Be your sexy, juicy self." Twice. If he can see right through you, then you can see to the end that you uphold protecting the beautiful temple that is your thick, cute body.

Bruh, why did your shoulder roll forward and tense again? Who's going to hurt you when you're all alone in this Christmas light-lit room in the middle of January? Fuck you. Fuck you for fearing.

Don't wake up screaming. Wake up kissing the back of your own hand.

Reach out for things that want you back. Let go of what's not yours or what doesn't want to be yours. What will be will be. Who will be will be. 

And you will be something worth seeing, kid.