Episode 37 - A Little Braver

Out of over 20 scholarships I had applied for, I received one. Just the one. 

Of course it makes me kind of sad, knowing that there were over 19 rejections, haha. Sometimes, I even stay up for entire hours of the night wondering, "Had I tried harder... had I had more time... maybe I'm not enough." Countless rejection emails over the past few months have helped me brace for that ultimate feeling of "the end of the road". 

Perhaps it's just me, but rejection gets better and less bitter with time and experience. A close friend of mine once told me, "a sign of maturity is when you can handle rejection well and learn from it." 

In today's episode, I want to expand her take on rejection. 

Today, I'm going to attempt at not only readying us to brace rejection but to also embrace it. 

The thing that I've learned about opportunities is that sometimes, they present themselves to you. The other half of the time, it is you making that opportunity happen. Of course, it also depends on what types of opportunities would benefit you in ways that only you could figure out for yourself. 

For everyone, it's unique how opportunities come and go. 

For me, a new opportunity presented itself after a streak of "no's." 

The application of a summer internship came to me through an email. I remember looking at it hopefully but warily. "I might get rejected again, but... that's the worst case scenario isn't it?" 

It is with this mindset that I had applied, unknowingly unlocking a breadth of opportunities that I never knew existed for a post-high-school grad. 

Spoiler alert: I was accepted, haha. :) 

Endless and free amounts of a vast array of healthy snacks in the office's kitchen became my new reality. Just imagine, free Milanos. Free... baked Cheetos. Free bags of Pirate's Booty and coconut toasted Canadian waffles. Free. Not endless but... so many. (Of course, in the face of so many snacks, I've thickened. But alas, don't worry! Episode 36 carefully explains that I'm gonna exercise, guys. haha)

And every day, I am in constant contact with people who are so smart!! So.. knowledgeable in their respective fields from education, health, criminal justice, and to public finance systems. I am constantly humbled and inspired by my fellow co-workers. Every day that I wake up, even if it's hella early, I feel blessed. I feel... so grateful.

So the thing about opportunities, again? Sometimes, you have to ask around yourself. ^_^ Look where... a bit of asking and pestering got me. In less than two weeks, my internship is sending me out to DC to interview men who were recently incarcerated and despite the odds, have worked hard to give back to their communities. THAT is awesome... THAT is awesome and ALL I had to do was, ask, and ask often. I was basically being a pestering bug. I never imagined that I would have a free trip to DC to do something as amazing as this. Never. But do you really have to know what's out there before you apply yourself? Before you ask?

You don't have to know all the answers. I don't have to know all the answers. But sometimes, all it takes is being a little bit braver and more carefree in that moment that can change your life for the better. Be brave and embrace all the "no's" in the world. There's bound to be a "yes." 

In many episodes before this one, I've often talked about opportunity and why it's so important. And you're probably thinking, "er, Ngoc, girlll stahppppp."

No. :P 

You see, I was rejected many times. Each time hurt. like. hell. But the few times that my shot made it? I was amazed at what happened right after. 

The ball will definitely not always make it in, but for every ball that doesn't make it, just throwing the ball is enough. Practice doesn't make perfect. Practice makes you better. All of those practices are readying you for more successes later on in life. And who knows? Maybe that success can start as soon as today. :) 

So today, I challenge you to knock on all the doors you've been wondering about. 

What's the worst that can happen?

Easy, you can't enter their house. 

Haha, have a good one buddy! 

Let's be a little braver today, okay? 

Your girl,

Ngoc

P.s. woahhhh is Ngoc going to finally have a regular schedule with these episodes now? I dunnooooooooooooo. 

Worst case is a no. :P

Also this episode is NOT perfect, and it bugs me a little, but hey, it's not too shabby. not too shabby. I'm okay with that.:)

Episode 36 - A Different Lifestyle

It has been one month into summer... and it doesn't feel quite real that I will be going out of state in less than two months for college.

At the prospect of college, I tense up. I fear that I won't be able to truly take care of myself. I fear that I would suck at being an adult-in-training. 

So, last week, I felt that it has been enough of sitting around and doing nothing in the evenings. It is enough of going home and scrolling on my phone for hours until I tire myself out. 

Last week, I promised myself that each day, no matter how terrible I feel, I will exercise for at least half an hour. This time, it's not going to be a short-term idea. This time, it's a lifestyle change. This time, I'm changing my life by altering just one piece of it. This time, I'm writing my promise down on paper. With a pen, y'all.

It has been one week of blogilates and whatever else I could catch on. After each workout, I would feel so accomplished. I would feel so happy. 

What I had originally thought would be so grueling turns out to be amazing (and DEFINITELY grueling)... After each workout, I would feel so happy and whole and fulfilled. Of course, that's my endorphins surfacing but really. It's awesome. Imagine beads of sweat rolling off my forehead and chin and a wicked grin spreading across my face. That's me feeling like a boss. It was as if all this time, all I had to do was take care and nourish my body in order to feel this way. 

Beginning a good habit is promising yourself that you are going to change your life. You are going to feel uncomfortable sometimes. You are going to wonder, "Why, why am I doing this to myself?" I'm not just talking about exercising. I'm talking about anything that you can do for yourself consistently to make sure that you are happy and healthy. 

New motto on the blog here: Happy and Healthy. 

And it can be any small thing. You can begin promising yourself that you're going to journal at least once a week about your emotions. You are going to drink 8 cups of water a day. You are going to meditate. You are going to dance. You are going to do something that gives you more balance in your life. I can't tell you what that is. Youuuu are so smart. I trust you. ^-^

For me, that small thing has been exercising. Just this simple act of allotting half an hour a day to taking care of my body has nourished my mind. And it is knowing that I am disciplined enough to continue this promise to myself that gives me hope that "Yes, I can totally rock college. And yes, I can totally adult my way into awesomeness."

My parents will not be there for me when I'm in college, so it is up to me to take care of myself, watch out for myself, and sustain a happy and healthy Ngoc. No other way to put it. 

So, today, I challenge you to think about one small or medium or big thing that you can do to help you reach a happier, healthier version of yourself. 

Remember! 

Consistency is key. 

Writing it down somewhere, anywhere, to make it real is key. 

And celebrating each and every day is key. 

Wishing you the best. :) 

And I'll see you soon!

Love,

Ngoc

P.s. Oh gosh it has been a WHILE. But I am back!! Currently, I'm working at an internship and it's been keeping me on a chair for longggg periods of time. No worries! This girl is going to do as she says; she's going to exercise it out! See you in episode 37!

(Friend Series): My Lucy-Goosey-Goofy-Poofy

Without further ado! 

Today's person is my LUCY-GOOSEY-GOOFY-POOFY. 

You see this picture?

 

Lucy drew it for me, back when this blog was still in the middle stages of coughing up teenage feels. And hey, this blog will continue to barf up teenage emotions. However, it's important that people like Lucy exist. Without her, I would have just held in my internal, emotional mess. That's not good for anyone...  

I'm sure she's reading this. I'm sure a silly but satisfied grin is plastered on her face right now. I'm sure she's going to text me after reading this post about how I do just fine without her when in fact, that is untrue. Lucy, finally. Finally, there's an episode about you.

Lucy encouraged me to write again. She encouraged me to touch a Google Blogger Blog that had stayed empty and quiet ever since I left middle school. She supported me in the ways that she could: through her art. She would doodle me. She would doodle about my blog, even. The proof is up there, haha. And actually, this blog has existed since... my middle school years when Lucy didn't exist in my life yet. Yet, being the silly goose that she is, she managed to CIA stalk the hell out of me and find this blog. In our first year common applications course, she would verbally throw my own silly quotes at my face, accurately reciting bits of my blog that she thought appropriate in the moment.

I found myself shocked that something as dark and deep as my blog was found by someone as pure as my Lucy Goosey. After that, I got back into blogging, finding inspiration to write again. Outside of supporting this blog, Lucy has been a loyal friend to everyone around her. At times when I've felt sad or depressed in front of her, she makes herself available, going above and beyond for me and everyone else she's ever cared for.

She's such a spirited soul, lighting the way anywhere she walks. What's admirable about her is how fearless she is to speak her mind. I can see it now. Her getting into some debate over something with a teacher, and calmly standing her ground. Of course, it's also her to pick her battles. :P Smart gal. haha.

Lucy is a music enthusiast, especially for orchestra pieces. There was a frame of time when she would send me a new piece of music every day, just because I requested. Lucy is a giver. She's a sharer of good stuff. I love her lots for it. <3

I feel like I'm writing a recommendation letter.

HAHA, JOKINGGGG.

Lucy doesn't even need a recommendation letter. One day, just her name and her silly grin are enough to convince ANYone to hire her. Lucy is a world changer. She's a visionary. Sometimes, she just needs a small push just as she has pushed me to continue something I thought I had quit.

She always tries to see the best in people and sometimes, that makes her vulnerable against the worst in people. I hope that... as you're reading this Lucy, that whoever takes advantage of you get what they deserve: a really mean blog post by me, THE NGOC MACHINE.

I'm a monster when I wanna be. ;)

With this all said Lucy, thank you for being you.

You're you. And that's that. And the world needs more of you. I'll say that. <3

Send me more cute stuffs whenever Luceeeey Gooseyyyy,
your ngoc ngoc :P

(Friend Series: Episode 1) My Con -- My Yen -- My Friend for Life

Haha, hi there buddy!

You know, I actually have an updated version of this blog on a Weebly site. 

Here's the site if you're curious, heh: https://ngocloveslife.weebly.com/

And you know what happened? 

I forgot my password. Yup. I'm a dumb butt. I've spent four years in high school and still haven't matured a day, :(.

Goodness, I'm a mess and summer has barely began, ahaha. 

Anywaysss. 

This episode is new and special because it is part of a series about people that have positively affected my life. I just graduated from high school so... recalling those wonderful moments with these people will be a treat for me. :)

Without further ado...

My sister, Yen.

How does one even attempt to do justice to someone as special as one's owns sister?

It's kind of impossible. My goal here is to write something that she would be happy with. :)

Yen is younger than me, by three years. However, our age gap is just something we never notice. It's honestly as if I'm the younger one. Haha. I'm so careless and foolish and I act on my emotions more than my logic. She... Yen is driven by something other. Everyday, she finds the will to exercise, to attend her Thai boxing classes despite how tired she feels at the end of the day. Yen has this incredible amount of inner motivation that gets her through the toughest situations and that inspires me every day (even if hell, I need to seriously exercise more) to become a more motivated person. 

Funny story. When I was 5 years old and Yen was 2, I was FED UP with how my parents got to call my little sister "con" and I couldn't. Context here but the word "con," in Vietnamese means "child" in a loving way... haha. Anyways, I got so mad that I felt rebellious that day and announced in my loudest little kid voice, "FROM NOW ON, I WILL CALL YEN 'CON'!" And... today I still do. She even considers herself my child, hahaha, because she really is my child, in a lot of ways. :P

Yen's my child when she comes up for cuddles. Every night, it's a tuck-in routine. "Come and hug meeeee," she'd say with open arms and puppy dog eyes. The high school kid she-devil would look so adorable that I'd give in. You're probably thinking, "that's hella weird." It is but is it really? 

People would comment about how rare it is to see sisters be so close. Perhaps that's true for other sister relationships, but I'm glad that what Yen and I have is an exception. I can't imagine anyone else in the world who I would love to share sushi with more, watch a Disney princess movie with, karaoke Vietnamese break-up ballads with, or just sit somewhere and talk with. 

She has a globe full of knowledge within her even if she doesn't consider herself "book smart." Like, honestly, she's an expert on most things related to martial arts. Heck, this girl is a boxer/wrestler. She is SO FREAKIN POWERFUL. BUT GUESS WHO WINS WE ACTUALLY WRESTLE? (me :P) 

On top of all this cake, she's easily one of the most outgoing, loving, and giving people I know. If she considers you to be special, then she will go out of her comfort zone, out of her way, to spend time with you. She makes time for the people she loves. She makes time for me, all the time. And oof... being the fool and jerk and bih that I am, I do not prioritize her or her time as often as I should... yooo but I'm still working on it. Yeah. I just hope that I get better at it enough that she'll be happy with me. heh. 

*sigh* 

There really is so much I can say about this girl. BECAUSE I LIVE WITH HER DUH. Yo, I even sleep with her. She's just so freaking adorable and cuddly and squishy. She's like a squishy pillow with a cute little fat round face to do lots of squishy things with. <3 she's the absolute cutest. <3 

And, the kindest. The kindest soul you'll ever meet. Giving in all the ways that you can imagine. She has taught me so many life lessons and one of them, one of the most importannt ones is... making time for those you love. And today, in this small corner of the world, I made a bit of time to write about this girl. About Yen. About my con. 

againnnnn there is just sooo much I can say about her. However, as I move onto the next chapter of my life pretty soon, college, I hope that as she's reading this, as YOU'RE reading this Yen, that you always know you're my most favorite person in the world (besides mom of course!). That I'll always love you. And that I'll always (MOST OF THE TIME, NO PROMISES MY HONEY BUN BUNS) make time for you. 

You're the love of my life. <3 You're my friend for life. <3 

From the makers of Nemanji and chubby person full of soft fats,

Ngoc

(Just Life with Ngoc): Episode 35 - Change and Selfishness

I'm selfish. No secret there.
How do I know? 
To be honest, I've known this since forever.

Only recently has it hit me; my selfish decisions have consequences.

This fall, as you know, I'll be attending a college outside of my home state. This decision means leaving behind my mother, my sister, people I love. A city that I cherish. My childhood home. All the memories and places I've been a part of for the last 18 years... 

It all started when I began developing my college list.

I only looked at out-of-state schools, believing that I would grow into the best version of myself far from home. Believing that the strongest kind of bird is the one that flies farthest from the nest. That was what I believed. Maybe that's true. Maybe it's not. It's too early to know. But that was what drove me to be where I am today: a girl feeling pangs of regret. 

Choosing where to spend my next four years is a gift and a curse. I only thought of myself. I tried to be smart about it... asking questions like... 
"Where would I be happy?"
"Is it pretty there?"
"Will I fit in?" 

Questions that bug and burn me today. Is Smith the right choice? It's too cold. I get sick easily. If I'm sick, no one will make my favorite warm rice porridge in the morning. If I'm cold, no one will be there to put a scarf around my neck. If I'm burning with a fever, no one will be there to put a hand to my forehead and tell me to go back to bed... I won't even be able to celebrate my birthdays with my family anymore. I'm an 18 year old girl. I know I don't sound like one right now... haha.

Hey, I know I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not a special case. I'm not the only one leaving my home. However, this feeling of inevitability makes my heart ache. There's a mix of loneliness and just... gosh the ache. It's going to hurt so much. That's the scary part. Anticipating the pain. 

Of course I'll have my college community to turn to. But my real family is thousands of miles away. My mother who labors every day... my retired father who reminds me to eat every hour... my sister who craves her bedtime stories and hugs. Lots of hugs. I'm going to miss them.

And my city. My home. There are going to be plenty of things to miss...

Of course, being the person I am, I've thought up of a few solutions to my homesickness. However, again, it's too early to know. Lots of things are too early to know... But one thing is for sure, I've just got to get there, go through it all, and learn from my own experiences. Being a first-generation college student, there are many experiences I've yet to understand. Both the good and the bad and the absolutely amazing or the absolutely terrible. 

I'm not ready yet. But.

I'm going to need to be brave. Brave enough to meet new people. Brave enough to start again. Brave enough for new experiences. And possibly, build my own community, my own Smithie family away from family. 

I'll need to have faith in myself. Believing that no matter what, I'm going to make it out alive. I'm going to be okay. Future Ngoc is going to be safe. You're going to be safe too, if you're reading this. We're going to make it. Gosh, it's going to be tough. So tough and sometimes you're going to break a little at the rims. But I promise, we're going to make it somehow. 

You probably don't believe me. And that's okayyyy.

I'm having trouble believing in myself too, haha. 

Hey. The first step to getting over something is fully accepting your reality and your consequences. 

With that said, I think I've already taken the first step. I'm going to be gone for a short while and return as a more wise version of Ngocie-poo. 

Hell, come what may. We're going to be okay. 

BRING IT ONNN

Your girl with lots of love and hope,
Ngoc

Link to a beautiful sad song O___O: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYTJ9YUb6TA

(Just Life with Ngoc): Episode 34 - Little Changes

The problem with busy schedules is not having enough time for the one person that should matter the most: yourself.

Attending a challenging school for the past four years have thrown my balance off.

Through the piles of work and the lengthy hours...it's difficult to find a way back. It's difficult to find a balance between my own health and my grades. THAT IS SAD.

One evening, as I was knocking out an assignment, I heard my sister calling for me from our bedroom, "Ngoc! Let's meditate!" I was hesitant. Already, in my head, I was weighing out the pros and cons of how a little self-care would affect my schedule. SAD right? The same routine plays itself every Tuesday during homeroom period when yoga class was an open door. I always wanted to do it. So I thought, "wouldn't it be fun if my best friend can join me as well?" She's learned to prioritize her time super well so whenever I invited her along, it was usually a negative.

"Ngoc, I have something I have to do...."

"ah, I understand," I'd reply. And that's the thing; I do understand. *sigh*

It's these little instances in life, when I would realize how much our work can dampen our own personal lives, that hurt me. It'd make me think, "Will I ever find a healthy and sustainable balance between my work and my life?" 

I imagined being 18 to be different, you know?

I thought I'd have my life figured out by now. I thought I'd be hotter. I thought I'd be more confident. I thought many many things. And I believed they would all happen, until they didn't. Until now. haha.

It's not that they didn't happen. It's just feel that I'm not there yet. A part of me fears that I may never get to the place I want to be. 

Maybe it doesn't have to always be this way. Maybe we let this process of putting our own life on hold.... we just let it happen. I've let it happen.

Western new year came and went. Asian Lunar New Year came and went.

I've had two chances to redesign this year, to redesign my life.

Little changes can and have made a difference. 

This year, even if it is mid-February!  x'D

I've promised myself that I'd learn to healthily and sustainably take care of my body and mind.
Why? Because I am the guardian of my own body and the guardian of my own soul. It is up to me to protect myself and make sure that I live and live well.

(also, your girl is gonna go to college so we gotta speed this process UPPPP.)

It it up to me to return to a perhaps wiser version of myself. The girl who called herself the pilot of her own life. The girl that found drops of happiness just by swinging on a hammock in mosquito-filled summers.

So.

Here's my little regimen until the end of February. (we'll need to spice things up for March. :P)

I think that once I write this down, there's no turning back. -_-

- cut down sugar intake (ooof)
- 500 jump-ropes a day
- read a book 20 minutes at least per day
- at least one Blogilates video a day

*sigh*

Little things, am I right?

Tiny steps that add up~ 

I'll meet you at the other side. Let's find our new balance together!

I challenge you to make two or more little positive changes in your life for just two weeks. Maintain it. And celebrate it. Let's.

From giving yourself more time to rest or more time to dance or just hang out with your friends more... anything.

With that said, I part you with this; Cheesy. But. True.

Let's live our lives a little healthier and happier. ^_^

(Just Life with Ngoc): Episode 33 - England + Friends + Soccer + Swings

"I'm in England.... agh. I'm so aloneee againnnn aagggg. I have to make new friends AGAINNN. HELP," were the first thoughts running through my head as I met the other five students who I would be living intimately with. For two. whole. weeks. help.

So... here I am.

About to tell you the most special moments of my England trip and I even have a special surprise at the end of this episode. ^_^ This episode is incredibly long and I have to warn you that much, because... I grew so much from my trip to England this past summer that the length of this episode itself should prove my point to you. And in more ways than one, this blog episode is just a mere way to document my own growth as an individual... the next problem is... where to actually start, :).

Let's start with the phone call, which I still remember vividly. "Dieungoc, would you accept a spot on the BAFTX Juniors Achievers trip to England?" I remember incoherently screaming a "Yes!!"

Then, I remember the take-off.

I remember the incredible amount of boiling excitement inside. How I couldn't wait to dorm with a roommate from another state. How I couldn't wait to see the Stonehenge and Westminster Abbey and take lots of selfies so my Mom wouldn't be mad. Heh. How I would have to use Wi-Fi to communicate back home. And how far away from home I'd be. Wow.

Those first moments were the epitome of what it meant to be young and free and on a plane. x"D

But, once I arrived in England and realized they drove on the left side, that's when insecurity started bustling in.

Clearly, I'm a socially anxious person. Sure..., I can be outgoing if I want to be. Just, I was so physically and even emotionally drained that as I met new and incredibly trendy souls, I found myself not wanting to catch up. I found myself not wanting to try to fit in, because all I wanted was to meet a group of super chill people who I could be myself with: clueless, yappy, calm me. I just wanted to be calm. I just wanted to be my genuine, lazy self who didn't talk that often because she just wanted to listen. However, finding such a group of people was difficult.

So....I began opening up to my roommate. (By the way, roommates are like, automatic friends if you can vibe with them. :)) ^_^ Apparently, my roommate wasn't another girl from another state. She was Diana. My best bud on the plane from my hometown! The same girl I had already shared an airplane ride with and guess what? WE BOTH JOURNAL, OHMIGOD. I was incredibly relieved that I would dorm with someone I was already comfortable with. So... that meant... sleeping with her wouldn't be a problem! x'D

We shared late-night stories. We shared korean dramas together. We even shared the bathroom and that worked out pretty well. Hahehaheh. OhmigodI'msoweirdaggggg. So many aspects of our lives were shared that I found myself opening up to Diana very quickly. What's a bonus is her bright yet calm energy. Bright yet calm. Gosh. Finally. "Finally," my heart whispered. "Finally," I responded.

Gradually, she and I wanted to expand our friend group. That meant meeting new people. So.

The first few days were super exploratory. Soooo exploratory that Diana and I both agreed to (1) separate if we had to, just to meet new faces (2) be there for each other if either of us got toooo socially anxious (3) promise each other that at the end of day, "babe, there's gonna be that k-drama on youtube we can always watch sooooo... let's have fun now!~" and (4) lots and lots of "You got this!" encouragements.

So yes. I was sooooo socially anxious that I even made an Awkward Pact for Socially Anxious People. But, that kind of honesty? It got me far. Being honest with myself and others I trusted. How far did it get me?

You'll see.

So, onto the trip itself! (yeap. my transitions are as awkward as ever... O_O)

As I explored England and walked upon hundreds and thousands of years of history, I began to finds bits and pieces of my adventurous spirit. I rediscovered the girl who still idealized history, truth, and justice as I traversed through the Holocaust exhibition in the Imperial War Museum, the girl who talked about how fresh the breeze felt and how blue the ocean is ("UNLIKE GALVESTON!!") as I sat down and devoured my first authentic plate of fish and chips in Brighton, watching the puffy clouds drift by over Brighton's blue beach. (But welp, I have to warn you. The water was absolutely freezing.) I rediscovered the girl who enjoyed the warm presence of meeting another quality human being instead of thrilling, firework-like friendships as I sat down with a small group of friends, united by our love for slow tea-sipping. There were so many moments of vivid self-discovery, so much laughter, and so much warmth. It was truly as if I had already built another family away from home.

I began to discover new facets within myself. I was far too surprised to admit it then, but England had helped shape me into a more wise, more open-minded individual than I could ever hope to be without it. 

One of the most life-changing lessons of the trip for me was this: moments don't just come to you, you make them. And how would I possibly know? I lived it!

It was a cool, breezy evening. Coming back from a long day of walking throughout London and admiring art pieces from the Tate Modern, Diana and I decided to just call it a day. "We're gonna head back and take a longggg nap. Maybe past bedtime."

Except before we even reached our dorm, one of the other girls whom we had rarely conversed with, reached out to us and asked,  "Hey guys? You guys wanna play tennis tonight?"

Before I could utter how weary I was, Diana looked at me and mouthed, "new friends!" and turned back to the new girl to reply for me. "Yes! We'd love to play." And that sealed the deal for that evening. Tennis with new buddies. Tennis despite how tired we all felt. But gosh, as I sit here and type up this blog, I am far more grateful now that Diana replied as she did. Her hesitant but excited, "Yes!"

And off we headed to the courts just a walk away from the school. Walking as a small group of 6-ish students, I felt... something happen. The makings of something magical felt all too real in the air that evening, yet at the time, I wasn't able to put a finger on it. Joking around and playing tennis together. Awfully. Awfully. Without anyone keeping score, a bunch of noobies played together under the darkening, orange sky. I felt connected. I felt present and tied by nothing but laughter and love. Perhaps I sound like a friendless teenager. For sure, I sound lame, but that night was the beginning of a beautiful friendship among our small group of friends. We weren't just building camaraderie; we were building family. 

But it was soccer games that solidified my newfound friendships, at least, for me, haha. Gosh, soccer... my inner FIFA World Cup fan came out and I played as if I was a Croatian soccer player, fast and tough.

Through daily, YES, DAILY, games of evening soccer together (3 v 3), my friends and I were each other's defenders, opponents, and cheerleaders. Racing through the wide, green field, I found myself at ease and in tune with the girl who may not be able to run as fast as the other kids but loved to run just the same. Of course, most of the time I was out of breath and survived as my team's goalie, haha. After the two-hour length games, we would all wearily walk to the swing sets on the playground further away. It was on the swings and benches that we would share stories about our lives back home. Where we hoped to end up maybe 4 years from now. 6 years from now. I still keep those conversations deep in my heart. And if you were there, you would see us all trying to balance on this ride that twirls you around and around, laughing. You would hear us play loud music and belt our voices as loud as we could to Let It Go or some American rock classic. Just kids, all with difficult, uncertain futures and lives back home. Yet despite that, we managed to bond over the simplest things: sports and music.

And if you were walking alongside us in Brighton along the busy shops and the boba shops, you would see us all grouped together, carefully crossing the streets in our summer sandals, laughing about some musical nonsense. In those moments, I felt as if my heart was home. It felt as if... a part of me would always belong to those moments, belong to England.

Gosh. England...

On my plane back to Houston, there was more than enough evidence to say that I had just made a lifetime of happiness and friendships in the span of two weeks. I kept these friendships and though, today, the group chat is clearly not as alive as it used to be, the support is still there. We all separated back into our lives and promised each other we would live them to the best of our ability. It is difficult to communicate how proud I am of every single person I met on the trip and how I hope they really live their dreams. Each of them deserve that and more.

For me, my dreams lied in... "what are my next steps to getting into the college of my dreams?"

Hence, after England, I worked hard and spent the rest of the summer applying to college fly-ins. My adventurous spirit flourished as I got accepted into not one but four college fly-ins: Bryn Mawr, Smith, Macalester, and Washington and Lee.

I was fortunate enough to attend three of them. Bryn Mawr, Smith, and Washington and Lee. Each of those fly-ins felt as if I was reliving England except the location was different, the people were different, but the adventure was still there. The adventure would always be there. And it was with that mindset that made each and every fly-in so unique and memorable. England taught me that I can be thrown into a whole new world and still flourish like no one's business. ^_^ And that is an aspect of myself that won't go away any time soon. Haha.

Lastly... I think it's the finale almost. But I still haven't shared with you which college I will be attending next fall. :P

So. Without further ado, YES. I'm going to be a SMITHIEEEEEE!!!!!!

My ultimate decision to choose Smith lies not in the fact that it was far from home or that it was an all-women's but in the belief that this is the one place I can see myself becoming the best version of myself just as England encouraged me to be. England has, undoubtedly, taught me many life lessons, but it has also helped inform my decisions after it. 

And so... this episode was just a summary of a trip I've been needing to document. As you can see, I grew a lot. Of course, I'm still socially anxious! But, I'm braver now. On each trip and every trip, from England to the individual fly-ins... I always met at least one person I clicked with. And that? That deserves its own episode.

But for now, this episode if more of a focus on how adventure can inspire self-growth and just as importantly, self-exploration. I am a greater person today than I was before England. And I hope that you can find your own adventures and make what you will of each and every one of them.

I hope that this episode of mine inspires you to do that at least.

It's a new year~ so throw yourself into a new and uncomfortable world. 

You'll see what I mean. ^_^

And if you want, I'd love to hear how you've taken that advice. :)

So. Hey. Let's... let's get it. Let's do this thing.

Let's be brave.

Your socially-anxious-but-not-so-socially-anxious girl,

Ngoc

P.s. Thank you Anastasia and Lucy and Daanish and Charlie and Liana and Prasha and Paramita and everyone else I forgot to mention who supported me. Thank you for being a part of my blog journey and encouraging me to reach this far. Maybe all you said was, "hey, Ngoc, not bad." BUT, that was enough to get me here today. Thank you so much.

P.p.s. I know that each of my episodes are imperfect in some way. But thank you so much for reading them, whoever you are. <3