"I'm in England.... agh. I'm so aloneee againnnn aagggg. I have to make new friends AGAINNN. HELP," were the first thoughts running through my head as I met the other five students who I would be living intimately with. For two. whole. weeks. help.
So... here I am.
About to tell you the most special moments of my England trip and I even have a special surprise at the end of this episode. ^_^ This episode is incredibly long and I have to warn you that much, because... I grew so much from my trip to England this past summer that the length of this episode itself should prove my point to you. And in more ways than one, this blog episode is just a mere way to document my own growth as an individual... the next problem is... where to actually start, :).
Let's start with the phone call, which I still remember vividly. "Dieungoc, would you accept a spot on the BAFTX Juniors Achievers trip to England?" I remember incoherently screaming a "Yes!!"
Then, I remember the take-off.
I remember the incredible amount of boiling excitement inside. How I couldn't wait to dorm with a roommate from another state. How I couldn't wait to see the Stonehenge and Westminster Abbey and take lots of selfies so my Mom wouldn't be mad. Heh. How I would have to use Wi-Fi to communicate back home. And how far away from home I'd be. Wow.
Those first moments were the epitome of what it meant to be young and free and on a plane. x"D
But, once I arrived in England and realized they drove on the left side, that's when insecurity started bustling in.
Clearly, I'm a socially anxious person. Sure..., I can be outgoing if I want to be. Just, I was so physically and even emotionally drained that as I met new and incredibly trendy souls, I found myself not wanting to catch up. I found myself not wanting to try to fit in, because all I wanted was to meet a group of super chill people who I could be myself with: clueless, yappy, calm me. I just wanted to be calm. I just wanted to be my genuine, lazy self who didn't talk that often because she just wanted to listen. However, finding such a group of people was difficult.
So....I began opening up to my roommate. (By the way, roommates are like, automatic friends if you can vibe with them. :)) ^_^ Apparently, my roommate wasn't another girl from another state. She was Diana. My best bud on the plane from my hometown! The same girl I had already shared an airplane ride with and guess what? WE BOTH JOURNAL, OHMIGOD. I was incredibly relieved that I would dorm with someone I was already comfortable with. So... that meant... sleeping with her wouldn't be a problem! x'D
We shared late-night stories. We shared korean dramas together. We even shared the bathroom and that worked out pretty well. Hahehaheh. OhmigodI'msoweirdaggggg. So many aspects of our lives were shared that I found myself opening up to Diana very quickly. What's a bonus is her bright yet calm energy. Bright yet calm. Gosh. Finally. "Finally," my heart whispered. "Finally," I responded.
Gradually, she and I wanted to expand our friend group. That meant meeting new people. So.
The first few days were super exploratory. Soooo exploratory that Diana and I both agreed to (1) separate if we had to, just to meet new faces (2) be there for each other if either of us got toooo socially anxious (3) promise each other that at the end of day, "babe, there's gonna be that k-drama on youtube we can always watch sooooo... let's have fun now!~" and (4) lots and lots of "You got this!" encouragements.
So yes. I was sooooo socially anxious that I even made an Awkward Pact for Socially Anxious People. But, that kind of honesty? It got me far. Being honest with myself and others I trusted. How far did it get me?
You'll see.
So, onto the trip itself! (yeap. my transitions are as awkward as ever... O_O)
As I explored England and walked upon hundreds and thousands of years of history, I began to finds bits and pieces of my adventurous spirit. I rediscovered the girl who still idealized history, truth, and justice as I traversed through the Holocaust exhibition in the Imperial War Museum, the girl who talked about how fresh the breeze felt and how blue the ocean is ("UNLIKE GALVESTON!!") as I sat down and devoured my first authentic plate of fish and chips in Brighton, watching the puffy clouds drift by over Brighton's blue beach. (But welp, I have to warn you. The water was absolutely freezing.) I rediscovered the girl who enjoyed the warm presence of meeting another quality human being instead of thrilling, firework-like friendships as I sat down with a small group of friends, united by our love for slow tea-sipping. There were so many moments of vivid self-discovery, so much laughter, and so much warmth. It was truly as if I had already built another family away from home.
I began to discover new facets within myself. I was far too surprised to admit it then, but England had helped shape me into a more wise, more open-minded individual than I could ever hope to be without it.
One of the most life-changing lessons of the trip for me was this: moments don't just come to you, you make them. And how would I possibly know? I lived it!
It was a cool, breezy evening. Coming back from a long day of walking throughout London and admiring art pieces from the Tate Modern, Diana and I decided to just call it a day. "We're gonna head back and take a longggg nap. Maybe past bedtime."
Except before we even reached our dorm, one of the other girls whom we had rarely conversed with, reached out to us and asked, "Hey guys? You guys wanna play tennis tonight?"
Before I could utter how weary I was, Diana looked at me and mouthed, "new friends!" and turned back to the new girl to reply for me. "Yes! We'd love to play." And that sealed the deal for that evening. Tennis with new buddies. Tennis despite how tired we all felt. But gosh, as I sit here and type up this blog, I am far more grateful now that Diana replied as she did. Her hesitant but excited, "Yes!"
And off we headed to the courts just a walk away from the school. Walking as a small group of 6-ish students, I felt... something happen. The makings of something magical felt all too real in the air that evening, yet at the time, I wasn't able to put a finger on it. Joking around and playing tennis together. Awfully. Awfully. Without anyone keeping score, a bunch of noobies played together under the darkening, orange sky. I felt connected. I felt present and tied by nothing but laughter and love. Perhaps I sound like a friendless teenager. For sure, I sound lame, but that night was the beginning of a beautiful friendship among our small group of friends. We weren't just building camaraderie; we were building family.
But it was soccer games that solidified my newfound friendships, at least, for me, haha. Gosh, soccer... my inner FIFA World Cup fan came out and I played as if I was a Croatian soccer player, fast and tough.
Through daily, YES, DAILY, games of evening soccer together (3 v 3), my friends and I were each other's defenders, opponents, and cheerleaders. Racing through the wide, green field, I found myself at ease and in tune with the girl who may not be able to run as fast as the other kids but loved to run just the same. Of course, most of the time I was out of breath and survived as my team's goalie, haha. After the two-hour length games, we would all wearily walk to the swing sets on the playground further away. It was on the swings and benches that we would share stories about our lives back home. Where we hoped to end up maybe 4 years from now. 6 years from now. I still keep those conversations deep in my heart. And if you were there, you would see us all trying to balance on this ride that twirls you around and around, laughing. You would hear us play loud music and belt our voices as loud as we could to Let It Go or some American rock classic. Just kids, all with difficult, uncertain futures and lives back home. Yet despite that, we managed to bond over the simplest things: sports and music.
And if you were walking alongside us in Brighton along the busy shops and the boba shops, you would see us all grouped together, carefully crossing the streets in our summer sandals, laughing about some musical nonsense. In those moments, I felt as if my heart was home. It felt as if... a part of me would always belong to those moments, belong to England.
Gosh. England...
On my plane back to Houston, there was more than enough evidence to say that I had just made a lifetime of happiness and friendships in the span of two weeks. I kept these friendships and though, today, the group chat is clearly not as alive as it used to be, the support is still there. We all separated back into our lives and promised each other we would live them to the best of our ability. It is difficult to communicate how proud I am of every single person I met on the trip and how I hope they really live their dreams. Each of them deserve that and more.
For me, my dreams lied in... "what are my next steps to getting into the college of my dreams?"
Hence, after England, I worked hard and spent the rest of the summer applying to college fly-ins. My adventurous spirit flourished as I got accepted into not one but four college fly-ins: Bryn Mawr, Smith, Macalester, and Washington and Lee.
I was fortunate enough to attend three of them. Bryn Mawr, Smith, and Washington and Lee. Each of those fly-ins felt as if I was reliving England except the location was different, the people were different, but the adventure was still there. The adventure would always be there. And it was with that mindset that made each and every fly-in so unique and memorable. England taught me that I can be thrown into a whole new world and still flourish like no one's business. ^_^ And that is an aspect of myself that won't go away any time soon. Haha.
Lastly... I think it's the finale almost. But I still haven't shared with you which college I will be attending next fall. :P
So. Without further ado, YES. I'm going to be a SMITHIEEEEEE!!!!!!
My ultimate decision to choose Smith lies not in the fact that it was far from home or that it was an all-women's but in the belief that this is the one place I can see myself becoming the best version of myself just as England encouraged me to be. England has, undoubtedly, taught me many life lessons, but it has also helped inform my decisions after it.
And so... this episode was just a summary of a trip I've been needing to document. As you can see, I grew a lot. Of course, I'm still socially anxious! But, I'm braver now. On each trip and every trip, from England to the individual fly-ins... I always met at least one person I clicked with. And that? That deserves its own episode.
But for now, this episode if more of a focus on how adventure can inspire self-growth and just as importantly, self-exploration. I am a greater person today than I was before England. And I hope that you can find your own adventures and make what you will of each and every one of them.
I hope that this episode of mine inspires you to do that at least.
It's a new year~ so throw yourself into a new and uncomfortable world.
You'll see what I mean. ^_^
And if you want, I'd love to hear how you've taken that advice. :)
So. Hey. Let's... let's get it. Let's do this thing.
Let's be brave.
Your socially-anxious-but-not-so-socially-anxious girl,
Ngoc
P.s. Thank you Anastasia and Lucy and Daanish and Charlie and Liana and Prasha and Paramita and everyone else I forgot to mention who supported me. Thank you for being a part of my blog journey and encouraging me to reach this far. Maybe all you said was, "hey, Ngoc, not bad." BUT, that was enough to get me here today. Thank you so much.
P.p.s. I know that each of my episodes are imperfect in some way. But thank you so much for reading them, whoever you are. <3
