Dear readers,
Heya, how are ya? It's been a long week with few updates eh? But I DID update this past Thursday - Episode 9, and if you missed THAT rare meme-full episode, I don't know what else to tell you. You missed out. You missed out on my meme queen skills. SHAME. ON. YOU.
And guess what? It's episode 10!!!!!!!!!! LIKE, WOW. I never thought this day would come. I just wrote so much that it didn't feel like a chore. It felt like... MAGIC.
Let's make some magic today shall we? Today's episode will feature exactly that: magic. And the warmth it leaves behind.
First off, let me just say that magic itself is a magical word. It has many connotations. It brings many good, freaking good feelings. And that's fantastic. Well. Here's a secret. Magic DID happen to me in the form of friendship people. FRIENDSHIP. Le magic of friendship. It happened yesterday. It felt like flying, like you didn't want it to stop. (I sound like a friendless hobo at this point. I'm sorry.) I was at a friend's house. Making yet another cheesy French project. In a cute little cozy room with an equally cozy bed (to lie back and talk duh). The company of two others. Two great people. The way that nice kitchen gleamed with all the ingredients laid out upon it and the utensils powdered in flour. The way that we all talked, unafraid, letting go. No fear to stop us now. No walls to remind us that someone unwanted was listening in. We were just as we were. Three teenagers, baking an apple pie for a french project. Our last French project. I want more French projects. I do. I really do. I want a million French projects to have an excuse to come back to that house, and be just as we were. Three teenagers. Three of us. I think I just cried a little. I think I just cried. Lord. Because, because I have this sinking feeling like that was the last time, the last time I'll experience something like that again. Because there are no french projects to have an excuse to come back. No more French projects... Um... I... I sound like a total hippy. Like a person who's never experienced real friendship before or something, and perhaps that's true. Perhaps that's the truest thing I've ever said in my life, but when it... when it feels so natural, like a perfect fit among people like that, I can't hold back. I want to live like that forever. Why CAN'T I live like that forever? I don't know. I'm just a girl. I don't know. But I DO know that, I... I want to live like that forever.
Okay, update. A FREAKING TEAR JUST FELL. I NEVER THOUGHT THIS POST WOULD BE SO SERIOUS. I'M SO SORRY. FORGIVE MY SOUL. YOU CAN STOP HERE IF YOU WANT. IT'S FINE.
Three teenagers laughing. Cooking. Filming. Talking. Gossiping. Different walks of life. Different stories yet so similar. So
similar. It was just... so
warm to be in that
moment. To be in that little kitchen. My heart. I've never yearned whilst crying for something before. But I am now. AND I WANT TO RETURN TO THAT MOMENT ALL OVER AGAIN. I DO. I WANT TO BE THERE. SOMEONE WITH MAGIC CAN GO AHEAD AND CAGE ME IN THAT ROOM WITH THOSE TWO OTHERS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND I'D BE FINE. I'D BE HAPPY. It just felt so natural to be
together. I still feel this warmth. My heart, it's still warm. Have you ever felt something like that before? Where at the thought of a moment, any moment, made your heart warm? Warm from remembering a specific happiness? I know I'm being overdramatic about this. I really am. But... sometimes, being overdramatic about an experience is doing that moment justice. And justice is exactly what that special moment needs. Because maybe it might seem over dramatic to you, my little grasshopper readers, but it wasn't to me. Remember, it's "just life with Ngoc?" x'D And this is through my eyes. This is life, through Ngoc's eyes. And... she saw amazing things that Friday night. The night where so many were Asian banqueting. A Friday night that Katy Perry already wrote a song for except without the implied sex or drinking minors. An evening of cooking and connection. I saw so many strings that tied me to the others. So many strings. Many wonderful strings.
Perhaps to the two others, the two great people I spent that evening with, cooking food for a French project was probably no big deal. It was probably just some good fun. Something that can be looked back fondly and forgotten as time went on or they experience it so often that they're unfazed about the whole experience. I have no idea. But perhaps... perhaps they too felt the exact things I did. Perhaps I'm not only telling MY version, but I'm telling THEIR version too. But that's a maybe. And if you're reading this, my two good friends, I loved every moment of it. I've practically been a sore loner AND loser all my life. Caged by my own parents and blind to the wonders of life that at just the littlest things, I freak. When you've been locked for practically all your life, you will become blinded by the wondrous light called friendship and heart rates and warmth and cooking apple pies that had hands in them. Literally.
*sigh*
Magic. All of that evening, that Friday evening. It was magic. And, I shall remember it forever. Because if I'm crying right now. If my heart aches. IF my heart yearns for that again. IF I want it so badly that I'd try to blackmail my friend to inviting us over again (I haven't, but I probably should.). If... I... If my heart is burning and yearning and wishing for that once more. Then I must be missing them. This is what it means and feels to
miss something for the first time in my life. I'm missing. I'm missing the whole darn experience, the people, the warmth, that moment. I miss it. I miss it so bad, and there are just no words. No words to explain. Yet here I am before you all... -_-
LORD. THAT EVENING WAS SO FUN. I WANT THAT AGAIN. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY BUT FOR SOME ODD REASON, I WAS ABLE TO WRITE AN ANALYTICAL ESSAY FROM JUST ONE SIMPLE IDEA. WOW. I AM AMAZING. AND I NEED HELP.
AND OH MY GOD. I AM SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN. TOO LATE. TOO BAD. My Mom just laughed at me for crying about friendship. And it's Mother's Day. Wow. How ironic. How dearly ironic. (You're welcome, Mom.)
Well, happy Mother's Day everyone!
This was Ngoc reporting on how it feels like to miss something. The perks of being a teenager. x'DDD
Your girl,
Drama Queen Ngoc who feels the warmth, who feels the love
