Our new class of PDAs joined us more than a month ago.
For context, I'm a PDA too haha: a professional development associate. A year-long fellowship/internship program where I shadow all aspects of banking and pursue my own projects. The goal has been a permanent placement. It's been the loveliest time. It really has. I've met so many kinds of people. I've hit most of the Appalachian territories in my little green Subaru, heard so many stories of the white struggle out here, and really got to actually know and be attached to every individual I've met. I've really changed, as a person, in perspective, in the rear view mirror. I have belonged to no one but myself this past year.
I'm not even your girl.
Professionally? Dang, this girl has been nothing but a hit in every department she's rotated in. Nothing but a hit. I am adored. The word is "adored" and I feel it so deeply, you know? I'm not even an accountant, but our accounting team has really hugged me into their group. Every project I've helped on has been met with positive feedback, alike as it is in Risk Management, and alike as it is in Project Management. I've been a... what you call... "value add". Aheh.
I didn't get there easily. It's one thing to get a job and do it well and introduce yourself, shake everyone's hands and have people smile back. It's another to get to the level of walking into a room, without introducing myself, and everyone already knows who I am, and what I'm about, and how much they see me on their team already.
It's truly another worldly feeling.
I really didn't get here easily. And I know, I know I'm leaving for Houston in 2 weeks time. It hasn't hit me yet, but I am. I know that I've built up so much momentum for myself only to leave at my highest point.
I'm not even at the dinner table, but Jana, my friend from Risk, overheard her Chief of Risk inquiring what my post-PDA plans are, if I'm still considering Risk? That I'm very bright and could be on any team. :) And yeah... Saundra had to break the news to him. :( I feel bad for making Saundra my bearer of bad news.
I learned that my friend from accounting, who happens to be Senior VP of Accounting, really vouched for my name in a remote opportunity with our Leasing line of business. An opportunity where I can work from Texas. Even if it didn't work out in the end, now I understand what she meant when she said she was working on something for me... Gosh. I just wanna hug her. I just wanna hug her lots.
I learned that the pickleball club I started has its own momentum of people who want it to live. People who are looking for indoor courts so that we don't have to be dependent on sun and rain anymore. People who are looking for a new leader and are sad I'm leaving too. :(
I came to work today, with a lunch plan scheduled by the accounting team, who never come in, haha, besides the end of a quarter or a bank audit. But they came in for me. Bearing gifts. Bearing the most perfect gifts, and the most perfect good-bye card, one that made me... cry. :(
Oh, Elizabeth. Gosh, Elizabeth. Thank you for letting me get to know you and care about you so much. So, so much.
I learned that Items Processing, haha, a team that I really just vibe with so hard are now the biggest supporters of pickleball, haha. I will never stop laughing about that. I will never stop loving that. The most outgoing people, you'd never know it. We are having a good-bye Wednesday dinner this week at my favorite restaurant in town. Gosh. I just want to... I just want to burst.
I learned that, well, my car! My car is getting back to me in time! I called them every day for a week and a half now, and that's gotten me... a lot of good results. Jeremy IS THE BEST. PIONEER COLLISION CENTER for the win. <3 It will come back to me nice and new for next week, for my move out of Ohio. GOSH. GOSH. I am... blown away. Everything is working out. Everything. Absolutely everything that I can think of.
Socially, I am abundant. It's the truest of truths. I am deeply in love with the abundant love in my life from people who used to be strangers, and who all love me now in all their truest forms. And who all want to actually get to know me.
Sushi all-you-can-eat-dinner and a theatre show with Austin and Kelly again. The night was warm, the little lights hanging from streetlight to streetlight once we left the theatre in fits of giggles, the way the air was scented with some specie of purple flower, and the way I felt so hugged by my emerald thigh-slit dress-- a part of me will always feel so beautiful, so stunning, somewhere in Parkersburg, West Virginia.
Socially, I didn't get here easily. When I started as a PDA, the PDAs that came before me never offered to do any joint things and any outings/plans made felt exclusive to the ones who already knew each other. I was getting accustomed to seeing pictures of the gatherings, not knowing where or when they had happened. Besides Gino, Ben, and a handful of others, the most important ones I should be getting along with felt like a wall, which is harsh, I know. But, it was hard to come from a traditionally all-women's college and feel feelings I never really had before, specifically with other gals. I really was so used to a sister-culture at Smith. Is it crazy? It felt like I was welcoming them to the PDA program, despite coming in later.
I remember the one-worded responses to my open-ended questions. I remember it was 90% me initiating, I did my best guys, I did my best.
At some point, as I was making friends in other departments, and then I remembered, "Dang, I'm very love-able, actually. Even a nail salon customer mailed me flowers all the way from Texas to my Ohio doorstep. >-<" So, from those realizations, and from trial and error, I pulled away the way they had, even if it was the moment they met me when they did so.
But the new PDAs, our new class just got here over a month ago. And they're all so sweet. Brock, Jordan, and Isaac. They're really all so kind to each other and I could feel how equal their energy exchanges were, each excitedly connecting about the next thing, and the next thing. Gino left earlier on, so as a-still-there PDA, I really did my best to make a welcoming atmosphere and truly get to know them. What brought them here? What do they like? To do? And why? And we'd vibe plenty, and if there's anything to do in town, I let them know.
I wanted them to know that I really cared about how they feel and help them ease into their first weeks here.
Today, we left trivia, and the other older PDAs, from my class, couldn't make it. But the new PDAs, especially the ones that lived an hour away each, made it to Marietta for trivia. So our small little group vibed through the whole thing.
It would be my last time to see some of them. It really would.
At the end of the night, Brock kindly turned to me and said it was very nice getting to know me. That I would succeed no matter where I was.
And Jordan said something similar, that he felt so welcomed by my presence. That knowing I would also be in the office made him feel at ease.
Awww-- these babies!!
I think I did my job best I can, you know? I didn't have the best welcome coming here. I struggled with feeling like I belonged, but it was never about me.
All I can do is make sure no one feels the way I did, as someone completely new to town, who knew not a soul, I never want someone to feel like they don't belong. I want them to feel good about themselves, and feel like, they're perfectly enough.
Because it's true too, you know?
Everyone is enough. Everyone is whole. And if you're hurting, it's okay. But I hope you'll always know that I care and that I care deeply about you and your success. It all means a lot to me.
And I'm here, if you ever need a little safety to fall on.
:) That's me. ^-^
That's the Ngoc that I've become for others here. It is in my design. And it makes me feel... so whole to know that I have enough energy to feed others and never feel like I'm drained.
Love is still the one thing that I can give away and still have more of. Love is always the answer.
Professionally, haha. Yes! Professionally.
And socially.
And spiritually. :)
That's me! That's Ngoc haha. ^-^
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