Skip to 15:30, the song I wrote this episode to. :)
And I shall reply quickly, "Why, of course, trivia at the Har Mar Tavern. $2 bucks a person. One heck of an hour."
You need to sit in the main room, so the other teams can maybe see the four fingers you raise up to signal and mouth loudly across your own table, "Four!" as if four fingers wasn't enough a giveaway.
And of course 7 is the sum of any two opposite sides on a die. Right?
"What has a heart that doesn't beat?"
Do you wanna guess that one? Really?
Well, Austin knew it. "Artichoke."
I banged my head against my palm, "Argh! Why, of course!"
She laughed sweetly, and Kelly was always the final lady for things no one else knew. Her encyclopedia has probably touched it, and for all the marketing knowledge she may have, she's sooo good with numbers. Austin shined with the movies section, knowing who was who at the Oscars in what year and what boot Oprah may have helped popularize in 2003. Uggs?!?!!?
I was no help on, not even the romance portion. "What color was the house in The Notebook?"
I guessed blue but that wasn't right, rather it was white with blue shutters. :(
And of course, you've got to order a drink at the Har Mar. Take in all the sounds of different trivia teams already knowing each other, fighting each other for weeks, even years in the same alliances. Discover with joy that there's an actual team named "Grandma and Grandpa" and are actually a grandma and grandpa. DANG IT, MARIETTA IS SO CUTE. FREAKIN---
And you've gotta, maybe, sound out the big ass sign at the very back of the bar after you've sipped 75% of your raspberry beer. The sign spells "HOPEULIKIT".
I rolled my guesses out loud, the beer in my belly was warm and made all the lights dance and my mind that is too often reading, now slow. I leaned my cheek on my palm, as I blurted out, "Hm... hopefully you like it? Hopeful? Hoping. Hopeful you like it. Hopeyoulickit. Omg, oh!"
The poor couple next to me laughed into their hands, "Now she gets it! Don't worry, I blushed hard too when I realized," the kind gentleman remarked.
And so I blushed hard as well, as Kelly and Austin laughed on. Haha.
We made a good trivia team.
After it was over, we talked about possible future plans. What local Floyd or Beatles cover band is coming through the Peoples Bank Theatre for $40 bucks a person, maybe?
Yes folks. I'm in the town where we're lucky if we get the cover bands. And how does that make me feel? Well, I feel really cute. Like, I'm in one of the cutest, slowest places on Earth. Laugh at me all you want, but dang it, it's little endearing things like this that make me feel like I'm in a movie town.
Marietta has really changed me. It's really shown me how a different and small community can feel, even to an outsider like me. The exchanges at the bar amongst different folks, folks smiling at Austin, Kelly, and I as we took a little selfie at the bar. It's the kind of softness that I feel safe in.
So yeah, I actually feel safe in a bar in Marietta, and boy does that say a lot. It says a lot.
I know I benefit on some level as a lighter-skinned woman in this town. I don't know what others' experiences have been, but so far, the people of Marietta have treated me kindly.
And have constantly surprised me with all the possibilities of ambition and hopes and dreams and definitions of happiness that I never knew about. Such sweetness.
For all this softness and welcoming, I am still very far from home. Because of the recent unbecoming of my dad's health, I will very soon be back in Houston long-term to take care of my Dad. I've thought deeply about my decision and it is my love for my family and the needs of my family right now that is my compass, and well, it's a decision that my heart is leading. So I can't be wrong.
I've always said I wanted to love my loved ones better, every day. And for the next chapter of my family, I can't imagine leaving my mother on her own. We're a team. And we'll always be a team.
Yen, Mom, and I. Yes.
I just know that I really love Peoples Bank.
It's grown on me so sweetly and softly and in all the ways the word, "Sweet" can be used, it's done just that. I am so glad I jumped on board when I did, even when it didn't make a lot of sense. Even when I knew how far and hard it would be, I still swung on, thinking myself an adventure character.
But so far, Marietta hasn't been much of an adventure. It's been a conduit for something else, within.
Like my Buddhist master always says, "The way out is in."
The way out is in. The way for me to take on my fears, be bolder, be braver, be more sure than ever before, be more at peace, find absolute happiness. All of those answers were never out there. They were always in here.
Not in my head.
They are all in my heart. I know it's a cliche, but it's true.
My heart knows what it wants to do in its free time, on the slowest of Saturday afternoons in a town that is as quiet as it is green. And for all the quiet time that Marietta has provided me, I've gotten to actually hear myself think. I could hear myself want what I want out here and why. I could hear myself reflect, not escape whenever I wanted to, because there's literally no where to escape to in Marietta, so the only way out of all my issues was... truly, in.
So after months of getting better at listening to myself, my heart knew what it needed to do when I saw my father slurring through a promise that he will be okay, over videochat, just before 911 came.
My heart knows a lot, and some of that knowledge is pure instinct, from my ancestors, all those before me. They are surely people and spirits who know much more than I do, what I need at times, and I feel such deep, deep joy the moment when I know that I'm aligning so fucking much.
And that feeling came to me so deeply this past Friday, over lunch with my supervisor, and I said it.
I told her what my heart needed to be okay. "What would really be so helpful right now is an expedite of the PDA program. I know it's a year but I really would benefit from being home sooner to take care of my family and then finding that long-term placement that would be remote or hybrid. I'm open to either and well, I do need to be in Houston for that foreseeable future, but Saundra, I also need you to know that I will always want to honor my family, but I also want to honor Pebo. Pebo has given me so much and I truly want to do so and give back how ever much I can."
And I was ready for any answer, but I certainly wasn't ready for all the love I'd receive from her. Instant understanding and love.
And again, all the more reasons for my deep freaking attachment to Pebo. Haha, gosh. Little Pebo.
It's truly such a warm, cozy little place nestled in the sweetest town. I'll smile often should I ever be in my 60s, and reflect to my grandchildren where I was, when I least expected it. That it didn't start out fully sweet and happy, but it grew that way. A slow burn, safe love.
Your little Viet grammie was in the smallest town she's ever been. In one of the most healthiest, stable relationships of her life -- the relationship she had with her work and workplace.
I kner.
Such a career-oriented woman. But that's because I have to be. There's no more space in my heart right now, with my family as it is, and my hunger, gosh, even as I discover the sweetest, simplest of things to bring the biggest of smiles to my new friends and co-workers, but gosh, is there a sizeable hunger in me.
That's probably what Chuck saw too. And I hear it in my own voice, greater by the day.
This fire to do good. To do well. To do well enough to take care of my family, no matter the hardship. Emotionally and financially. And to one day impact, meaningfully, the communities I get to touch.
This is my time. To do my part.
"I want to honor my family," I said to Tyler, the new CEO of our bank, as the bulge of a tear edged on my eye. I gripped my knees slightly, leaning forward.
"And I want to honor Pebo," I finished. Embarrassed but honest. Dang it, Ngoc. Honest as ever at the wrong time, I almost chided myself until I looked up to face Tyler. Surprised.
His reddening eyes, and the bulge of tears in his own eyes surprised me, until one tear fell off and he had to wipe it quickly. After listening to my story. My father's first and last first class flight to Viet Nam. How it felt to see my Dad in that nursing home. I was speechless.
"You would honor Pebo, and you would honor me, if you would honor your family," he responded just as surely. "Please honor your family first. Thank you for being here but it would break my heart if you did otherwise. So please, do what you need right now. We will figure out a plan together. Anything you need."
I didn't know how to respond except cry harder.
And laugh cry for the fact that Tyler and I cried together.
"Tell no one else, that this happened," he joked. And I laughed cried again.
Gosh, I didn't even keep my promise on that but that is to say, this is another reason why no matter where I am in the world, I will do my best to honor Pebo, at all costs.
This is another reason my heart is for another. This is another reason why I can't fully prepare for any second or third case scenarios right now without feeling like I've lost something I won't find anywhere else in the world again.
And this is why, I will do what others might not be able to do, if they were in my place.
Which is to stay loyal and bring honor to an organization, best I can, for all the goodness that they've shown me and been to me. For all the goodness that Marietta and its people have surprised me with, like the bundle of flowers on homecoming, that Austin brought to my door the day I got back from Houston after knowing my situation or the bundle of chocolates that Lisa from the mail room mailed to me just because she liked my energy or the fact that Gina Houser of all people chose me to lead the document generation project or the fact that my landlord loves me, I think, to give me a new recliner the moment I dreamed of needing a recliner for my place -- for all these reasons some places start ending up feeling like safety. Like sweetness.
Gosh.
And I'm thick in it.
Thank you for everything.
I've even gotten used to capturing the stinkbugs all around my place. Crazy, the things you can do when you're in love. Like staying loyal and aligned and happy. :)
Your girl, no longer as teary, just soft in her new recliner,
Ngoc
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