It's Distracting

he said, how any of my sweet words would echo in his head. 

How eager he was to text me again. Too eager that he'd text me while I slept.

Him being awake, with me alive in a picture as soon as he closed his eyes, was a "pretty little curse." 

In the morning, I woke to paragraphs. I woke to confessions. To well wishes. A half-delirious desire of us penpalling one day, brightly dried flowers falling from the envelope.

I woke up smilin'. Eager for his embrace.Eager to be held by someone so sure about me for once. Was I ever as sure about myself?

He re-taught me the best thing that I learn and learn again: the right one makes sure you know. The one is unafraid. Unafraid to bend at his knee before you.

His heart pulsed in my hands, blood dripping the floor.

It's this kind of guy that you're afraid of. It's the ones that were good to you. 

He was good to me. 

He bowed before me. Scared. Confident. Promising. 

And god, was he beautiful. The sharp eyes of a sorcerer. Lines upon lines on a body that felt like, "mine". Strong from 6 hour hikes a week. If the word exists, then it's "god".

And god, how the skies changed at his laugh. Made my stomach a mess. I would always waver, if I ever heard it again.

How incredibly smart he was. Every idea of mine, he met. Every idea of mine, he enjoyed and extended. I can't finish what I started. He's already made the idea something else. I'm caught, laughing. Surprised. So quick-witted, we were chasing each other.

And god, his voice. I never heard a voice more beautiful. Actually. 

Truth, I say. 

In just a few days, how quickly Taylor Swift's "Daylight" flooded my playlist. "Golden golden like daylight." The moment I awoke, his voice meets my screen. My face flooded in joy.

It's this kind of guy, who makes you dream and want so much. 

These guys hurt you the most. 

I miss that beautiful, beautiful voice. 

6 months have passed since. And the stain of "love", was it? 

How quickly you came into my life. How dare you. How dare you fucking

haunt me. 

A 10-day stay was all. Every night. Every hour of those days, I felt like every guy before and after you, could never ever compare. There could never be anyone else that could make me so fearless. 

To the point of recklessness. How vulnerable I was. I was wide open for when you hit me when it hurt most. I never expected to be burnt by you at all.

6 months later, I still... burn. Thinking about you. 

Is it anger? 

No. 

Is it thirst? 

No. 

Is it regret?

If only... I had you for longer. Maybe I could have convinced you to stay.

Then it must be anger?

Yes. How could anyone leave me the way you did? Like it was easy. 

To fall for you the way I did. Like it was easy. 

Because it fucking was

distracting how when I meet anyone else, like I have in the past 6 months, and wonder if I'd feel even a third of what I felt with you. 

Just a third, would do. 

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Another break up poem! Gosh, my love life on my blog is only represented in its after glory.

This blog post was actually inspired by a different guy in mid-December. It was going to start like this, 

"'it's distracting,' he said, if his car smells like me

and now he has to drive home through the storm, alone like a littler man."

That guy, let's call him D. 

But then, New Years Day came along, and I met J. And it was history. So now, this poem became completely J's poem. 

J is... another person who haunts me. Wildly, even half a year later. How dare he? 

But other than that, I promise I'm okay haha. I'm good bean. :)