an email I wrote to organizers and future student leaders of the Jar Project at my college

*below is an email I wrote about a jar project that had angered me for so many reasons. I finished writing it yesterday at 4 pm after 3 hours of perfecting it. when it comes to race and community and dialogue, I deeply care about those kinds of discussions. when activism is done in a way that hurts the community more than it was before, that's when I get angry. especially when such discussions were entrusted to student leaders that promised to represent me, voices like mine were overlooked. left out.

activism should be as healing as it is forceful. hurt does not fight hurt. i hope that my email below introduces ideas that future student leaders at my college would consider when thinking about the impact they're making on our small, liberal, bubble-like campus. 

i say a lot when i'm angry.

hope you'll enjoy the tea below ;)

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4.22.23.

Hello, 

My name is DieuNgoc Nguyen, a current Smith college senior and here have been my consistent thoughts of the late jar project and the impact of the Student Power Coalition thus far from it. 

I understand Leela has stepped down as president, but from word of mouth, I heard that Leela was also a part of the Jar Project's organizing so I have included Leela in this email as well. 

**And to Tamra or the SGA Office, if I can have your help in forwarding my email here to future candidates of SGA, that would be very helpful. Much of the future of race relations on campus is in their hands. 

I may be a senior with just one month left. I've never been a part of SGA. I've only viewed it from afar and occasionally filled out surveys at SGA tables at most. So yes, I'm not very involved on campus in government, but I deeply care about the Smith community and the conversations we have around race. I was the lead organizer of a past event centering Anti-Asian Hate amidst the pandemic, so race discussions are something I am at least familiar with.

This email is for the Student Power Coalition, nestled within SGA. And to SGA as well. To future SGA candidates. And to the leaders who approved of the Jar Project.

I admire your goals and values to make smith a more equitable place. I am a first-gen, low-income student myself. I also worked the opening campus center shift that saw the additions of obscure quotes from confessional and two white sheets of paper with the words "WHITE RAGE" at the center of it all. Of course I was curious, so I got really close to the new changes of the wall of hats and read each confessional quote taped to the exhibition. Confessional is an anonymous space. I looked back at the title again. "White Rage." With no context given, I understood that the new wall art was supposed to highlight how all these obscure quotes must be about something race-related. I remember how that morning there was a lot of talk about what these White Rage posters were about. Again, such little context. Just, words claiming something that held a lot of weight but had no context. 

It absolutely felt like fear-mongering, for the zero context it had. Different quotes on different doors. Students of color in my friendship circles would speculate for days that different confessional quotes were on different houses based on whether or not that Smith house had majority POC or not. Whatever it was, it felt as if whoever put those quotes up had information about the inhabitants of that house. Of course, upon further speculation, I realized all these quotes were criticisms of the Jar Project. 

However, very few people I knew could make this connection. It felt as if I was the only one who knew, so I found myself explaining this connection to many of my friends of color who were alarmed by this on their doors, and friends who were white who were also alarmed by this. 

So I asked myself, "what the heck is going on? How are anonymous quotes criticizing the jar project automatically under white rage? It makes me white to criticize the jar project?" SPC is a committee under SGA. SGA is supposed to represent my voice, and as someone who works the night shift too at the CC, I haven't been able to share my thoughts yet. So here they are.

So far, the actions and approach of the Jar Project in its pursuit of equity and inclusion, I feel does not represent my values. Neither does it include me. I don't know how you folks gathered input from the community to go forth with a project that you thought helpful to the community, but certainly not from folks that have my values when approaching activism. I'm going to assume you folks found input and validation amongst yourselves. That's fine and all except, you're a subcommittee under SGA. Again, the role of which is to consider my concerns and find a way to reach out to me. Neither of this was tended to. So I'm going to assume the BIPOC, first generation, low income demographic that your circles work within does not include a Vietnamese American first generation, low income student as myself. 

You might disagree with me and the way I approach activism on campus, but I don't think you're creating a healthy environment for future, long term, truly long term, community discussions and ownership about race and equity. I understand the intention of the jar project is to give students who've experienced racial discrimination from a big act to a micro aggression to be honest to their "perpetrator" who must qualify as a white person. Perhaps that really is how you view racism. But see, that does two things. (1) it makes the situation very black and white. Racism doesn't just source from white folks, which is the hallmark of your project. There's many types of racism. Racism even between communities of color which is rarely talked about. Racism based on motherland politics. (1.5) With just a jar expressing feelings, there's no next steps. For such an ambitious project that required tapping into one's innermost pain, there was very little guidance. No next steps to heal.  Simply air your thoughts. But what about the possible retaliation later? And considering the other side receiving the jar, it would feel like a witch hunt. So now, individuals just need to learn to better hide their biases, in broad daylight, but hiding is not productive in race discussions. 

(2) looking at the long term consequences of your impact so far, you're making a community where it will only be more difficult to talk about race, not without a fear of stepping on toes or making indelible mistakes. Again, with no next steps, the receivers might do well by saying sorry, but what's exactly happening? What's the outcome that you truly wanted to achieve? Because certainly, individual healing is not achieved, not when neither party knows what to do after sending a jar. And certainly, community healing is not achieved, if the organizers of this project have unintentionally or intentionally created a culture that will only ever be anxious and fearful when discussing race in public spaces. And that limits the quality of future race conversations on campus, especially between non-POC and POC folks. 

And it is exactly race conversations between non-POC and POC folks that we need to increase both the quantity and quality of. But SPC's impact might very well limit both, if not just the quality.

It's important at Smith that we continue talking about race. So the values of your work are critical for that. However, to me, for the conversations around race to be truly thriving, truly alive, truly fearless, we need to approach it in a way that allows the people of Smith College to know that there is room to make mistakes together and to adapt and grow together, at the individual level. At the systemic level, where there is profound institutional racism, the phone line is open. That it's actually a dialogue. Actually a conversation. Involving everyone. That we are not just talking to a wall and that we ourselves are also not a wall. 

So perhaps this issue, you can deal with as SPC within SGA and forever be limited by not representing enough voices like mine. Or you can make your own club that best represents your own interests. But I hope you'll consider my points when creating your impact. That you truly leave this space better than when you came into it. 

That it's not about setting up a space that feels like fear-mongering to get to your goals (like waiting for a jar to get to your door or waiting for the retaliation you might receive after sending your jar to a person that knows it's probably you or reading context-less posters with words that inspire fear and trepidation). There are other ways to reach justice. There are other ways for dialogue. 

For making everyone included in your activism. 

It is forever a lonely uphill battle if you cannot even identify your own allies or inspire fear in the communities you promised to serve.

For many reasons (like safety of the students, I'm going to assume important housing information and details landed in your hands to deliver the jars) that even I didn't get to discuss so far, I fear that your jar project, which started from a very important space, has left our community with more cuts than you went into it. 

And it has angered me so. Thank you for reading. Happy to discuss and learn more.

Thank you.