Episode 87: Uncertainty

I am brimming in it. 

What am I going to do with my life?

Questions I've avoided answering are hitting me in every direction. 

I am a floating piece of bright purple tissue paper. But unlike something that floats and goes with the wind, I am more like a paralyzed rock. 

I am not moving because I don't know how to write and talk about myself. I'm unsure if I'll bring real value to any space. Sure, I do it here on this blog. Sure, I do it when I force myself in my classes. But... there's real urgency now. A start of a career. What am I to do after I leave college? 

My social life. My life life? 

Like a strike of lightning, I wish I had the answers. 

I wish I was more comfortable clarifying my life path earlier. I wish I weren't so paralyzed. Feeling so useless. So unfit. So weak. 

So dang small. 

A part of me is just tired of fighting for myself. 

The life after Smith is a life full of self-advocacy. Self self self. How alone alone. 

I am scared. Less scared of uncertainty than I used to be. But heck, I truly have no idea what to do next. No fucking clue. 

How 22 of me. Heh.