Heya readers!
This is episode 25. I am 1/4 done with my intended journey of... 100 episodes!
In today's episode, as special as any other, we are going to celebrate ourselves in the best way that we can: by writing a blog episode about it, of course. ^_^
(lolol I'm bad at transitions, againnnnn) Very recently... wait, no, I think... for a very long time, I've felt less than myself. This very real inferior complex that has driven me mad, that continues to hurt me. Gosh, just the thought of feeling less than someone else because of their amazing accomplishments or who they are or how they look or where they've been: I've let that all get to me. Because I keep comparing who I am to who others are around me, I've unknowingly hurt myself. It's been a painful experience, and well, it is painful. And it's something I still have and will probably continue to feel unless I start appreciating myself for who I am already. *sigh*
Here's the story. A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine (Ana~) who had read an earlier "rant" on this very blog reached out to me, saying and reaching my heart with the kindest encouragements. Except, she and I aren't extremely close friends, but somehow years of knowing each other can make it easy for her to reach out to me and I to her... to just be kind. She tried to instill in me my own sense of self-love. In fact, she pushed for it when she said I shouldn't be comparing myself to others when I'm perfect as I am. Not, heh, perfect as in the actual definition, but perfect as in, I'm the most perfect Ngoc there is, because I am the only Ngoc.
This is a pretty cliche lesson isn't it?
But the point is, I shouldn't be feeling less than myself, when I am myself. I shouldn't be feeling sorry for being who I am, for having experienced what I've experienced. And sure, I'm human and you're human. That would mean we'd both have regrets we can't forget or have negatively affected us and maybe, maybe sometimes you'd feel those experiences have made you a lesser person. Maybe sometimes, you would stop and wonder who you'd be if you did this or did that, but ultimately, those decisions are in the past. They've already been made. And you are who you are already. You are who you choose to be with every decision you make but don't let that be your make-or-break factor.
Because the make-or-break factor is this: you're at the very least happy with something in your life. There's something good about it. This thing doesn't have to be big even; it can be super small too. Like, personally, what I really like about being me is the fact that my Grandma makes the most awesome salty, dried chicken shreds to eat with rice, ever! What I also really like about being me are my offensively thick calves. Like... wow. They are thickkk calves. But I love them, because I like to think that if we're in some apocalypse, I have at least a little bit more than my younger sister to snack on. ;P
Honestly, just pause here for a bit to give yourself some love. Give yourself a pat on the back for even visiting this blog. Do it! Now give yourself a high-five for being you. ^_^ *high fiveeeeee*
I'm not saying that I'll ever be able to stop comparing myself to others, because there are no such things as absolutes when it comes to our constantly-evolving selves -- yadidadada-- However, what is true is that I'm willing to do all I can, drawing inspiration and motivation and self-love from others around me, to simply appreciate myself. Appreciate that while I may not have the most accomplished or have the most stellar-looking resume or have the biggest dreams a girl can have or be the most beautiful, I am Ngoc. And I really appreciate myself. I've got through a lot in my life. I've been through a lot. There are, of course, moments when I made cringey decisions. There are moments when I've made a fool of myself. There are times when I could have done better for the people around me, people I dearly love. There are many times in my life when I could have appreciated others more. There were, gosh, so many moments where I wanted to cry for being, for feeling less than someone else. It's not like I won't ever feel that everrrr againnnn. But, when I do, I hope I'll be able, and that you'll be able to appreciate that there are some happy aspects of you and your life you find that only you can really experience. No one else. But you.
Your girl,
Ngoc
P.s. Gosh, thank you for making it this far! I hope I've made your day a little and at the very least, entertained you for a few minutes. Which is good too! ^_^
Random link to a random happy place: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZkRtNgb7Vw
(as for the link, skip to 1:03:30. I find that it's a pretty relevant song ;))
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