11.29.23.
I'm in my warm pants.
"BOSTON" on the left leg.
Tomorrow is interview day and I feel nothing.
12.11.23.
The heater's on. I'm wearing no pants.
Just socks and a shirt dress.
I said "thank you for this incredible opportunity but due to my current circumstances, I have made the very difficult decision of withdrawing my candidacy."
A mix of dread and gut feeling. I took 72 hours to dance around it. I talked to everybody about it. Their guts were saying the same as mine.
"Don't do sales. Don't dabble in anything close to a pyramid scheme. You'd even have to pay for your own licensing. And only be making $3000 working your ass off for 90 days?"
So as I take in the uncertainty of the next continual months, my status as unemployed remains.
What have I learned so far?
The job search is 50% submissions and doing everything technical.
50% is protecting my spirit. Self-confidence. Joy. Reasons that keep my eyes fiery.
So that when it's time to speak, my voice is conveying the truth. I'm doing okay.
I'm doing well. Eating well. Feeling well. I like myself.
I like that I'm here, talking with you, discussing my career options. My potential to help your potential.
Here's my name. Why I'm here. (I need to be here.)
I don't need anything. I'm simply here. Not needy. Not impatient.
Not greedy. I'll take any salary.
It's just my first job anyway. I'll re-negotiate in the next one.
I like me.
And I think you'll like me too.
And if I ever work from home. Those days, I'd spend in the same shirt dress that I busted my ass off to get to you.
It wouldn't be luck. Luck has no place here.
