4.18.22.
The best things happen on a swing. Everything is better on a swing. Eating. Talking. Dancing. Fighting.
It was Good Friday this past weekend and a week earlier, Nicholas had invited my entire suite and Ian to his perhaps, favorite place in the world: church.
"Why?" I asked.
"I come for the people, for the community. I really like it there," he said. Something is probably between his hands, to be fiddled with, when he speaks deeply about anything. His eyes turn far off, as if he's at church at the thought of church... while talking to me. A modest Buddhist who keeps saying "Hallelujah" when the assignment is turned in, and relief is had.
Oh, Nicholas.
For now, I gotta take you to church.
We left on time and got there at the knick of time. Thank god Nicholas made us leave earlier by 15 minutes. Our suite...well, the girls and I, have a habit of being just an eeensy late to lots of plans. It's people like Ian and Nicholas that remind us how important being punctual really is. And possible punctuality is.
Nicholas led us there the whole way, his feet bouncing. Reminding me a bit of Allison in his walk. If reincarnation is real, Allison's feet have reincarnated as Nicholas' for brief moments. Because no one could walk as happy and bouncy as Allison can. That's my hot take but that similar "up", "up" is there. I'm not obsessed with feet, I swear. I'm obsessed with walking. :P
Naina, Garima, and I would walk at our own paces. Nicholas and Ian in the front. Me in the middle. Naina and Garima in the back.
The whole trip was a blur to me. Ian was memorizing the train lines again, the East to West line. Nicholas kept making faces at Naina and she'd return with eye raises and pouts of her own haha. Faces were made at just about anyone that would look our ways. No one really did it at Ian though oop. Perhaps, we all respect Ian too much to show him even a silly face. Though, Ian himself can definitely make silly faces. "Elementary school theatre," he attributed it to. Garima who shares a brain with Ian and was also memorizing the train lines, her eyes focused and looking away as she recounted on her fingers the train stop names. Naina expressing how grateful she was that Garima is there again, "if you weren't here Garima, I wouldn't know what to do," after I said something silly or perhaps, agreed with Nicholas on something controversial again. So it goes. :P
Metal. I gripped a lot of metal on the train. How could I forget that? Sometimes, the train would stop just an eensy too hard and I would be grateful for the wall behind me or the grip above my head. Scenes flashed through the windows. 30 seconds of darkness. 30 seconds of light and city and green and prosperity. 30 seconds of darkness. Eventually our stop at City Hall came. We had stood the whole time on the train.
Nicholas led us through a futuristic mall. Neon lights. An underground tunnel with media and art and pink and blue lights everywhere. All of this was... a mall. I knew that Singapore is shopping central but I didn't know to this extent. At least 6 or 8 floors of shopping. Escalators everywhere up and everywhere down. I had a gut feeling that his church was fancy as fuck, from that luxurious walk.
I was right. The elevator up was rich in space. We had so much space ahhh and so much space up. Spacious elevators mean one thing and one thing only: they're leading me up to some seriously nice places. A really kind couple that Nicholas was familiar with greeted us on the way up. The sweet lady helped pass the church pamphlets to us. We made a stop at the restrooms and my god, even that was fancy. Our group had talked about this once but, women's bathrooms really are too damn small. If I were to enter one, the back of my legs would barely brush the toilet seat JUST to close the door. It's... absolutely disgusting how small and cramped bathrooms are.
But this was not. I had sooo much space to close the door. And so relieved, I relieved.
On the way out of the restroom, with Garima happily holding the door and Naina bouncing or bobbing her head on her way out -- all of us more than curious about what would happen in church on Easter Friday. What happens in churches? I knew little. I knew Jesus had died for something, but what? And did Nicholas invite me to come along too because I always ask questions about his religion, like: "What would Christianity have to say about the death penalty?"
He had answered: "Only God can take away your life."
"But what if, someone believes that they're God? That they're the next one?" I had asked.
He paused, intent, "Good point," he said. The question went unanswered.
I wonder though, if that was why I found myself then in a church, curious to see if a few could be had. Answers about how services ran, since I've never observed before.
On the way out of the restroom and noticing m that hair didn't look too good in the mirror.
"Disgusting," I said to myself, as I tucked away the strands.
Naina heard me and quickly and loudly said, "nAsTy GIRL!" Garima and I burst out laughing. Naina has a knack for identifying the nasty wherever nasty exists, and if nasty is what I am. So be it.
However, I'm a lady. And I refuse to be ~ a nasty girl ~ on my first ever church experience. XD I am a child of my parents after all. Religiously, we hold onto abstinence and cleaning the whole damn house every Sunday. Not that abstinence de-nastifies me. :P
Here we are. The last ones to sit ourselves down at the beginning of service. The whole space of this church felt like a white low-ceilinged wedding hall. There weren't any windows except for one, on the edge of the stage. Low-backed, hard-cushioned chairs in neat rows. At any moment, I felt like someone was going to get married. But no one got married. No, because, we were here with Nicholas and Ian to learn about why Jesus died for all of us. Why his death was an act of love. Why more people needed to be liberated by Jesus' love.
Religiously, the folks here follow the pamphlet. The quotes. The songs. The songs are gorgeous oh my gosh. Guitar-game was strong. The sermon was extensive and I could understand the pull of Christianity. It identifies the pain in those going through difficult times and guides people to feelings of liberation if they let go of their worries and choice, and choose only one thing: choose God.
People were clasping their hands. Nicholas clasped his hands. Ian looked on deeply, fitting into the place like this is home, and as we'll later learn: "It's very similar to my church back home."
There was a lot of sitting down and then standing up for the songs. There were at least 5 songs. Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I should have kept the pamphlet instead of recycling it with Naina's and Garima's, so I can remember how many songs we stood up for. I do remember noticing in my periphery, how Naina swayed lightly to the music, her head nodding a little ways there and that. Garima held the pamphlet, reading every word, as if she couldn't follow closely enough. I felt that too. Every second of song or sermon, I was analyzing and relating back to my experiences in Buddhist temples and teachings. One last time, the songs were pretty fire. I know I keep talking about them but I can see how healing it was to lead with music. The words themselves weren't something I believed in religiously, but the melody.
It reminded me of the song Ian had played for us on the piano one time. The song he played twice. Hopeful and loved. I felt that. :)
"We have hot cross buns outside. We have enough for everyone so please help yourselves."
Even the hot cross buns were fancy. Oh my gosh. They were perfect buns. I had raisins in my bun and though it's my least favorite flavor: raisins. But they made it amazingly, blending it with apple cubes and a cinamonny taste. Still warm, and the bun skin was glowing under the white lights of the church. The raisins reminded me of the raisins I've grown to love in my breakfasts. A crucial detail of my everyday here in Singapore is convincing myself that breakfast is GOOD enough to get out of bed for.
And breakfast usually is incredible. Their warm, plain oatmeal with raisin toppings. Goddamn that stuff gets me racing to the dining halls in no time and wakes me up so warmly inside. I feel so mothered by oatmeal and raisins, and lately, they've stopped serving oatmeal and that actually... saddens me SO much. I've eaten amazing things in my life. Richly flavored meal items. Custard breads. Vietnamese Pho. But the plainness of oatmeal. It strikes me so deeply how plain it is, yet when you add in the incredibly sweet raisins into it -- it's so... simple. It's in your face how perfectly simple it is. Simple mornings. With just oatmeal and raisins. I rise.
My friends laugh at how silly and easy I am to please. Naina would do this thing where she enters the dining hall. I'm already set up. I'm more than a handful bites into my meal. She doesn't need my opinion but asks anyway, and that is, "How's that meal set?" She asks so she can make an educated guess about which ones are good and which ones aren't.
I always say that my meal is good. Because it usually is. I love so many of my meals here in the dining hall. Or maybe I've managed to choose well each time. Or maybe I'm way too easy to please. For all these reasons, my opinion on which meals are good are overlooked. In silly ways, but Naina asks anyways.
Though if we're being honest, I'm a selective person haha BUT... I do easily enjoy the simple things, where mornings are made by warm oatmeal. And a "good morning" greeting on the way out. Let it be known.
The five of us walked through the hallway towards the floor-to-ceiling windows leading to the rooftop gardens. A door was propped open and we stepped through onto a patch of grass. We had a wondrous view of the city before us. So many little kids running around the green garden paths that existed. It had rained a bit earlier so the grass sunk deep into mud. Hence, me in my sandals was not ideal. Whatever the case, we made it to the swings. Each one could squeeze 3 people. Garima, Naina, and I squeezed into one. I rocked into it with hips and all, folding forward and leaning far back to swing us higher. Ian took videos and pictures of us, trying to get as many candids as possible. He's already trying to get our candids, an eye out for us and that's how he shows us he cares. He wants to know us for who we really are and capture us in our shenanigans. In ways we can't capture ourselves already. Naina and Ian are very similar in that regard. Naina would pull me to the side, knowing I'm a bit of a flirt under the spotlight -- she captures me at my best. Of anyone I know, the most persistent and patient of people would be Naina. A knee pressed into the ground, even in heels, she's going to make sure she got angles of you. Motivating you to try new poses. Flurries of affirmation and confidence-building. Naina becomes a sort of healer through photo taking? I wonder if that's a real power haha? If so, she's unreal with it.
Nicholas shows us he cares with acts of service. He's not the type to overstay or ever will be. If he's there and he's uncomfortable, he just would not, but he's willing to wait for however long it is if it matters. Which is a very general description of any person haha. But then, perhaps I only know Nicholas generally. And Nicholas is generally and genuinely a good Christian boy.
The trip had been fancy as fuck. Church was one of the fanciest events to happen to me in Singapore -- haha, god I make this sound like a joke but it is NOT.
Later, our group of 5 headed outside to the roof area. We had a beautiful view of the city, even to see the edge of the water. We explored the edges of the scenic roof. Little kids ran past us aplenty. I was eager to stay and look over the edge. We were all eager to explore an aspect of the place. There was even a soccer field that had a net covering for the length of it. Importantly, there were wooden swings left and right.
The kind of swing that I had been ungrateful about when I was younger.
I remember asking for a kid's play swing when I was younger. Yellow seat. Fancy wooden playground and all. However, the swing that my Dad had assembled on the side of the house looked nothing like the one from the park. It was an "adult" swing. The kind that two people sat on and talked about the meanings of things, didn't swing very high, and wasn't very fast.
I was 7. And disappointed.
This time, I saw it in Singapore only to be delighted. Something to sit, swing high ~enough~, and feel small again. Garima, Naina, and I fit ourselves into one seat. Nicholas and Ian stood by watching us laugh and discuss whether or not my hip movements really did make the swing swing any higher. I'm sure it did -- they didn't believe me. "It's your knees," they said.
Well they were gonna have to stand up to my Dad's swinging advice when he first taught me on the swing that disappointed me. "It's your hips," he said.
Ian filmed us without us knowing at first. Because of him, we have some candid videos of ourselves laughing and being on that swing. Nicholas would film us too with my camera, as I pushed Ian, Naina, and Garima on it. I might have pushed them too hard and too high. Ian's knees were up to his chest, his tall, lanky frame small and scared as I realized what I'd done.
"He's been scared for some time haha omg," Naina observed.
I know I describe this all in simple ways. But this was really it. It was simple. Being together.
There was more laughter here. Created. And desired than I ever knew to do with.
Ian would later or was it before? he would stand on top of the swing and swing.
None of us saw it coming, but he was smiling under his mask for sure. His arms long enough to reach either side and make it move. The existence of a swing brought out the youth in all of us. Making us want to be silly. Feel the speed. Have someone strong enough to take care of us and push us off the ground.
It feels free.
To be. And breathe out a scoff. A laugh. A thing we thought.
Where the worries lie is where our feet push off.
