Good evening,
It's 2 am and I already know that a part of me will always belong to the 6th floor sky garden.
Nights spent bare-toed, toeing the tiles. Heads tilted back or shoulders leaning forward to hear each other's stories at different angles. The same looks on our faces. Eyes focused, eyes laughing, eye whites. Haha. Joking, no eye whites. Just egg whites.
These are the good times. I'm in it. Like Andy from the The Office always wished he knew it was the good times when he was in it.
How lucky I am, to be the one to know it this time. Garima, Naina, Neha knows it.
Nothing like the elevator ride back home. It opens on the 6th floor. There they are. Knees propped up, deep in conversation about something. Anything at all. Things I might be too old to talk about. Things I know all too well or all the things that I'm ready to listen and learn about.
Together, we feel like family. Cheering each other on. Calling each other out. Family-style.
I think it's raining right now. Maybe... and god it is. Yup.
This is a replAY of my time in England almost 4 years ago. Gosh. But now I'm much wiser with more forethought and groundedness.
Here I am, in the exact place I always hoped to be again. The place that I never thought I'd return to. Those fulfilling feelings I get when I meet the right people, at the right time, in all the right new places.
I already laugh a lot naturally. Here in Singapore, in our suite dinners, suite gatherings, sweet suite everything -- I am laughing all the time. On crack with the rest of them. All of us giving each other crack the moment we think we're done. A glance at each other is the wrong thing to do. Our laughs enhanced. Echoing so loudly throughout the often reserved dining halls. We feel like an island of all the fun things only we know about.
Naina, Neha, Garima, Ian, and I. Haha, of course, we're definitely NOT an island of people, because most of the time, we meet new people. New conversations. Nicholas joining us in the sky garden, telling us jokes only he gets. We all laugh at how unfunny they are-- the amazing amount of time someone can laugh at their own jokes. Matthew's happenstances, his energy always supportive. Such a fun, fun person, but he follows no one blindly.
Neha is asleep, all cuddled up on the living room couch. She doesn't want to feel alone tonight in her room, but our rooms are literally next to each other. Perhaps it's how open the living room space is. How everyone walks through it. Perhaps by sleeping out there, the sense of closeness exists in all the steps we take to meet each other in the middle. Neha may be the youngest and even, haha, inexperienced at life than all of us in the suite, but she's one of the best listeners I've ever met. She can make me feel so seen, so quickly. I could open all my doors and she'd have wisdom into it. Sweet and well-meaning, most of the time, this silly girl. Pft.
Naina either does or doesn't have otter watching tomorrow. She perseveres through all the tough shit she's had to go through. Nothing can stop her. Nothing but the gods. That's how sure I am that this one was given the natural gift of believing in herself and her story. I know she cares about all of us and it would never be a boring day with Naina. Ever. So excitable, fearful of all lizards of any size -- if I ever see a lizard again in my life, I'm going to remember Singapore. Because I'll remember the days when I had to catch and fling lizards from the 6th floor sky garden outta that broom stick. Some girl with bedhair feverishly knocking on my door. My ugly half-awake ass moving out to assess the situation. And fix it promptly hahahaha.
Garima's soul. Her stormy gray eyes gazing back at yours. The depths of laughter she could reach with me and everyone ever. How is it that I can click with someone so quickly? I know it. I feel it. We were meant to find each other. I was meant to meet her -- that's the feeling I got the evening I first met her. This is the feeling that's continued to stay. Good. Soulful and GOOD. Sometimes, I feel like she sees right through me. And god, I want to protect her. She might feel like the strongest of us all and she’s used to protecting everyone else. That’s how giving she is. She’s young but so so so mature. Insightful. And absolutely breathtaking when she looks into your eyes and only focusing on you. It’s like she could pull out any deep dark secret in me and wouldn’t ever ever judge me for it. Garima Chib.
Ian is too good for this world. He's much older than all of us. Fine. It's just 2 years, but his politeness is out of this world. So kind. Anyone can tell. He goes out of his way to show people he cares, even when it makes him uncomfortable. So thoughtful and sweet and a step ahead. UNLIKE Nicholas, Ian doesn’t think he’s funny but woah he REALLY IS. 😂 he’s incredibly philosophical and insightful and wise. Someone that could see both sides of the story at the same time and evaluate accordingly. And so so good. It's general consensus that we all want to make him smile. We hope that anyone who ever hurts him knows about all the tiger mamas guarding him. I don't think I've ever wanted to protect a man who I wasn't in love with to this extent. Cuz woah. Ian makes you proteccccc.
Sky garden. Neha's butt mat. Naina's cold fingers. Garima's eyes. Ian's smile. My laugh.
There we are. Making silly observations about the moon. Telling ourselves to quiet down after a good laugh. Comforting each other over something. Fighting a common enemy that isn't even there. Plans made on a whim because of somebody's appetite.
God, I want to eat cake. GOOD cake. As good as the goodness of what has been some of the most peaceful, most beautiful times in my life.
I feel so whole and confident when I say that my favorite place right now is anywhere I can hang out with my suitemates. Like spring, they're growing on me. Like spring, I feel all these little buds and blossoms in my heart. I wonder where I might ever feel this pretty feeling again. Of COURSE I'll feel it again!! Just again, differently. Like these feelings are just variations of the same feelings I get when I'm at Smith. Now in Singapore. ^-^
I do know, for sure, that whatever future I have. That I always have their numbers on speed dial. Ready.
The moon watches over us all. A witness to the beauty that is our lives entwined, in this moment. No moment more. No moment less.
Sky garden evenings. Like spring, I cherish.
