Dear Readers...
Hey there! Hahaha, I'm actually in tears right now. Just.. yeah. I feel... pretty... broken. Well. Ouch...
How do I... how do I say this?
Simply put, I felt so broken a few moments ago.
It's actually 12:31 am right now. The 22nd of August. All around me is silence. All around me is... uncertainty of a future I cannot begin to comprehend. Even worse than Episode 7's vivid demonstration. HAH.
But what I can say is... as broken as I felt a few moments ago... I still reached for my phone. Quickly turned to one of my own earlier episodes here on this blog: Episode 20 - Love Yourself. And I read it. I read it twice. From beginning to end. My own words of wisdom. Reread. By phone light. And me, all alone in the darkness of my own living room.
As I read through episode 20... through my own words. It was truly a special episode to me.... conveying a lesson I am still very much learning. Loving myself. Despite whatever I may be going through. Despite... despite the pits and falls of an ever-changing reality that is my life.
I am glad.. that I am here. Gosh.. I felt... as if I needed saving. I still feel that. But the surety, the confidence that episode 20 had in myself... I was readily reminded of how strong I am. How strong I was. And how strong I can be.
This really isn't an episode as you can see. It's.. haha, more like a girl who's constantly trying to add meaningful pauses! But the point is.. even in an absolutely dark moment, like just now, I... saved myself...
I think I just saved myself.
Wow... no way. But way. Sooo so so way.
My past self just saved my present self. Gosh. The wisdom of my past self, or more like, the version of me who knew what she was talking about -- I listened to her. And I got more than what I could bargain for: more surety. To continue. On. To continue forward. Despite.. despite this. Despite this teenage tragedy. Despite future tragedies. Despite the mountain of emotions that I am feeling in this... point in my life. I just have to accept these circumstances and move on.
Move on forward as I always have. And move on forward for as long as I can.
And you? I hope you can too. If I can try to do this, then you can do. Let's heal and grow stronger, together. We got this.
Your buddy,
Ngoc
P.s. Just want to give a special thanks to past-me. She's lit!! And just... I can't even begin to express the amount of... pain I just felt. That... was seriously incredible. And I'm learning. Learning slowly. But learning. I'm going to be okay. Ngoc, you're going to be okay. Ngoc, everything will be okay.... I really really really love you lots, Ngoc. <333 I hope you know that.
