Yes, this episode isn't another one of my long podcasts!
Because... hm, today I'm going to tell you the story of how I, Ngoc, found enough fight in me to throw a pebble into the pond.
Alrighty. So, about a little more than a month ago, I got into a wonderful summer program: an all-expenses paid England trip. Receiving those news especially by call was exhilarating. You know how British people have British accents right? Haha, of course they have British accents! They're British!
Well, I had missed a call from this unknown number during school. I knew it was from the British summer program, but I waited the whole four hours until I got home to return the call, fearing that if I did return the call, I'd only receive an apology for not being accepted. I was, frankly, preparing my heart for the worst possible scenario.
But it was different. I returned the call. A lady picked up. She sounded pleasant and airy, exactly how I thought a sophisticated woman would sound like. And I remember my heart, pounding so fast just waiting to be denied which explained my confusion when I heard her next question, "So Ngoc, would you like to be a part of our summer program?"
My ears and brain weren't cooperating in time.
So I asked her to repeat herself.
Like, two more times.
She did.
"Gosh.... AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAAHHA SQUEUEUEUEEEUEUEUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *insert incoherent semi-squeals*
That was about a month ago. I was ecstatic. Still am. Heh.
And yesterday, I got my acceptance letter for a two-week all-out wintry cold hiking trip in the Cascades. And you're probably wondering, "Uh.. okay. Great for you. How smooth of you, Ngoc, to use your blog as a bragging platform.... -_- " I kind of am to be honest. Heh. And er... I kind of deserve it. :P ^_^
However, haha, to be completely honest, this whole episode is kind of just me bragging about that earlier version of "me."
I remember pulling super late-nighters, straining my eyes in the darkness despite the rise and fall of my little sister's sleeping breaths, and willingly putting out my time into applications that I confidently felt were sub-par.
I was putting myself out there. I was scared. I was really just tired and so stressed with all the homework and side projects I already had. I was so tired at times that I stopped to wonder, "Ngoc, why are you even filling this application out? Your credentials have no chance. Your lack of 'leadership positions' will lead you no where against this sea of others..."
Despite my many negative thoughts, I plowed on.
Reason being I'd feel awful later if I didn't take these opportunities. An opportunity is an opportunity is an opportunity. But I think the words that most resonated with me in those moments were my EMERGE coordinator's who is not with me here today, but, gosh, she said the best thing, "The worst case scenario is they say no right? So, go! Go and apply my younglings!"
So if the worst case scenario is denial.... hm... let's go!! And somehow I made it to the finish line, turning in all those applications by their respective due dates usually 10 minutes shy of midnight. I wanted to throw the best version of me into the pond. Maybe my ripples would be big enough to be seen. Or maybe not. But as long as I throw myself in with all my might, that's enough for me.
Whatever happens after doesn't matter, because I am happiest in that moment, that moment right after I've turned in that application feeling so satisfied that I've put my best foot forward.
"It's been a long week. It's been a long night. Here I am. Done. I've pushed 'Submit.' Whatever happens, I'll be perfectly fine. If they don't like me as an applicant, I like me as an applicant."
So, well, maybe I've been super cheesy in every episode possible, including this one when the cheese was laid down an extreme amount, but hey, this idea of throwing the best version of you applies anywhere.
I just hope that you will be brave enough to take every relevant opportunity your way with your best effort. Something good will come out of that, or maybe nothing at all, but hey, I trust you to fight your best fight and find satisfaction that you tried. Gosh, just try. Every time.
Every time.
Your buddy and girl who likes you very much as a person and a soul for reading this episode,
Ngoc
P.S. Gosh, episode 24. It'll be a year soon. A year since I've started this official blog. With real intentions. Gosh. One year since. We've fought a good fight, don't you agree?
